computer misadventures, part three

You know that children's book, Fortunately? That's been the story of the computer/Internet rollercoaster that is my life lately. In case you don't know the book, here's a little practice round for ya:

FORTUNATELY...I found the book on-line to make sure I hadn't been imagining it.

UNFORTUNATELY... I discovered that the book author was Remy something, which reminded me of someone who dumped me unceremoniously many years ago.

FORTUNATELY...I couldn't care less about that person anymore for a variety of reasons I won't go into!

Okay, so you're warmed up. Let's see...when I last left off (see past computer misadventures posts for a full recap of my year of woes), my computer was actually working again. My internet was now the object of my technical obsession, because Integra was taking over a month to actually set it up. After two hours of fiddling around, the Integra dude said that Qwest had to come over a second time to "drop the line" whatever that means. I know, I know, it's way confusing. Try being in my position! Try being your own IT person for the past eight years when your little brain is really not equipped for such details! Okay, shaking it off, shaking it off.

Let's do this thing, shall we? Follow along. Don't be timid.

FORTUNATELY...Qwest came over and this time did not scare me half to death thinking it was a burglar because I was prepared and they fixed whatever needed fixing on the outside of my house yay

UNFORTUNATELY...When the Integra guy came over for the second time that next week, he stayed for two hours and then said it wasn't working because Qwest had to fix something argh

FORTUNATELY...Eric was working at home that day so he took care of everything as I stormed out taking the dog "on a walk" and muttering to myself while shaking my fist in the air yessss

UNFORTUNATELY...Integra told me that Qwest needed to have access to my place and kept calling me for days to arrange it and "keep me posted" yet after waiting a week I heard some rustling and went outside to see the Qwest woman fiddling with the wiring, and said she didn't need access to my house after all curses to you Integra!

FORTUNATELY...well there is no fortunately here but consider this an interlude do you want some hold music with that because I have them practically committed to memory by now

UNFORTUNATELY...during the madness, I was innocently walking to my desk and tripped--with coffee in hand--and spilled it all over my favoritest computer ever my MacBook Air so I tried drying it off with a hair dryer and everything like you hear to do and everything was just dandy but then all of a sudden my "e" button wouldn't work and then it seeped into other buttons so I had to book an appointment with the Apple Store but since my Sony Vaio wouldn't work because it never does when I need it in a crisis I had to book it on my Mac and when it asked for "explanation" of the problem I had to figure out how to discuss my problem but had no c or e button shikies

FORTUNATELY...I had a moment of genius when I figured out how to get around the keys I couldn't use and instead managed to tentatively type "liquid spill" damn I'm good

UNFORTUNATELY...a different Integra guy came over this time and I suddenly had a flash-back to the time we had a peeping Tom our senior year in college because of the way he stood there woodenly in the driveway looking at the house (which still stands as my scariest moment back in '92) and then when I came outside to see if he was going to come in he just stared at me and didn't move and it kinda creeped me out and then he stayed two hours because for some reason that's how long they like to stick around and then he declared that this time the problem was my router and he left me with this 10-page booklet complete with codes and numbers that I had to use to "configure" or whatever oh good god don't do this to me Integra

FORTUNATELY...I suppose I had used up all my energy ranting to myself on the drive to the Apple store that by the time I got to the Genius Bar I was just dazed and when the Genius guy told me it would cost $750 to fix my computer and they'd have it for a week I just said "okay" and zoned out as he did the paperwork because secretly I had been worried I'd need to buy a whole new computer and I couldn't afford another MacBook Air and then I guess because I took the news so well and "seemed like a nice person" (which made me laugh because I'm sure the Integra guy was not saying the same thing to his compadres) and "you seem to have had a lot of computer struggles lately" (wow they are geniuses, he could just see it in my eyes!) he said that he decided that they would fix it for free and then I cried and told him I loved Apple and furthermore could I hug him

UNFORTUNATELY...there is no unfortunately here because don't you understand Apple decided to fix my problem for no cost which is unreal and I love them and we don't need hold music because that would just distract from how much I love Apple

FORTUNATELY...I called Comcast and they came over within a week and everything has worked perfectly since then now I also love Comcast mwha to Comcast let me give you a noogie there you go you little devil you

UNFORTUNATELY...while my Mac has been behaving beautifully as only a Mac would since I got it back, suddenly it is making me re-set everything including my Mail so I call Apple and strangely I could barely understand the Apple chick's words because she just seemed to be going so slow and I guess being my own IT person all these years really DOES mean I know a little about computers because I kept having to backtrack and wait for her to catch up to me and then she said it was an Earthlink deal since that's who I have my mail with which meant I have to call Earthlink/India, the source of my original Internet woes in the first place and I was dreading this big-time eekazoid

FORTUNATELY...I finally got up the nerve to call, and realized that after having dealt with Earthlink for so long I surprised myself by feeling right at home with his quick-pace-and-thick-accent and "i as in Indias" and he set up my mail no problem and I realized that having success with Earthlink was bringing my Internet/computer woes full circle and I came to the conclusion that when it comes to me and technology, it really DOES take a village (in this case, a mighty triad of Earthlink, Comcast, and Apple) hooray for mighty triads we like mighty triads

UNFORTUNATELY...Integra keeps sending me bills, priority mail that I have to pick up at the post office, calling me about customer surveys, and generally annoying me for another week which officially makes it two months of INTEGRA HELL when they never could even set up my stuff talk to the hand, Integra, talk to the hand

FORTUNATELY...the last time, after they sent me a bill for $1,400 for disconnecting my service before my contract was up and I called and then they realized that it was a mistake I told them to just delete any record of me ever I think they may have FINALLY gotten the point and in the past two weeks my MacBook Air and Comcast service have been happy as clams together and I even catch them smooching in the corner sometime when they think I'm not looking so life is good for reals

The End.