Let's see...last I left off in computer woes, I was typing merrily away on my brand-new MacBook Air, oblivious to the troubles ahead (see first computer misadventures post for a year-long timeline of my previous mishaps). That lasted, oh, about a month. Now let's pick up where we left off. And in the spirit of things, may I provide a 12 days of Christmas theme? Sing along, won't you?
On the 12th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: A proble-e-eh-m with my Internet serviiiice.
We pick up this tale around mid-November, when my Internet service starts to work intermittently. I try the magical "reboot" technique on my computer, modem, AND router before calling the dreaded Earthlink support. I remember fondly when it was a bunch of geeky California tech guys on the other line, circa 1997-2002ish, but now let's just say that the combo of having Internet problems and trying to decipher a thick Indian accent doesn't put one in the happy holiday spirit.
On the 11th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: Many phone calls to India-aaaaa.
Two weeks later, I'm still having problems. By the time the Earthlink tech people start talking about turning on and off the modem and the router, rebooting them, turning on and off my computer, I'm reduced to silent sobbing. Hey, don't laugh. If you had to do this twice a week you would cry too. Besides, that's why I work in the comfort of my own home, so I can cry as much as I want. But where was I...oh yes. Adding to the problem this time is since I have a PC AND a Mac I never know what to do with the automated system thingie when it says "please press 1 for Mac, 2 for PC." I'd have to make a rash decision. "Will my Sony behave long enough for me to get through this call? Because my Mac is out of battery life, and can't reach the modem if I have it plugged into the outlet." And of course I choose the wrong button several times, because I'm me.
On the 10th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: A brain full of useless know-leeeedge.
By the end of November, many calls to Earthlink later, I can now memorize the IP addresses and various commands and codes they give me by heart. As they start in with the "1.62.86....p as in paul, c as in charlie..." I'm already typing it before they have finished. And sobbing quietly to myself.
On the 9th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: One final phone call to Indi-aa.
After three weeks of problems, I've given up. I dial one last call to Earthlink. When I explain that I want to cancel my service, the guy asks, "have you spoken with our technical service?" My reply is breathless and not exactly in full sentences as I shuffle toward the nearest coffee shop to use their wireless. "Yes, I've spoken to them. Hours. Hours I've wasted. Hours. You don't understand. I can't do it anymore. I WON'T do it. Can't. Won't. No. Can't." I think he's afraid of me, so he agrees to cancel my service pronto.
On the 8th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: One friendly neighbor named Ki-kiiiiii.
Since I oh-so wisely canceled my Internet service in a huff without any backup plan, I now have to schlep my computer to and from various neighborhood coffee shops, vying for a good spot next to an outlet (it usually takes three coffee shops before I find a good spot, luckily I live in coffee-capital Portland). My friendly neighbor Kiki saw me in one of my crazed treks and generously gives me his wireless password to use at home until mine is up and running. Yay for Kiki!
On the 7th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: Another Internet service provid-errrrrr.
Great, so now all I have to do is find another Internet service and I'm set. I'm trying to decide between Comcast and Integra, which is a local company, and I go with Integra strictly because on its website it states "we're not only in your country, we're right in your neighborhood." I wanted to cry with happiness, because it was just what I was looking for--you mean, I'd be speaking with someone who speaks native English? AND lives in Portland? Cool!
On the 6th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: Four faxes, three pho-oone calls, and two annoying e-maaails.
You know when I said I liked the idea that Integra was right in your neighborhood? Well, it became a little too close for comfort. First, I had to fax all these papers over--which, since I didn't have Internet service, entailed going to a coffee shop (this was pre-Kiki's kindness), downloading an e-mail, returning home to print it out, and then faxing it. So I did it. Thing is, I just got this new fax machine, and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to fax the page text-side up or down, and apparently I guessed wrong. Every afternoon for FOUR DAYS, I'd receive a long-winded jovial call from my friendly neighborhood Internet guy who went on and on about how he didn't get my fax (and with my phone, I don't know how to erase messages until AFTER I've listened to the whole damn thing). I tried faxing it again from my machine. He'd call. I faxed from the copy shop. He called. I finally called him back and said "listen, I'm going to try this ONE MORE TIME and if it doesn't go through I'm done. Finished! And by the way, PLEASE STOP CALLING ME!" Yes, now I've officially scared off not one but two Internet companies.
On the 5th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: A MacBook Air that wi-iiil not wo-ooork!
Dateline: early December. My faxes and paperwork are in with Integra, I'm waiting the god-only-knows-why-so-long 20 days for service to arrive, and suddenly my brand-new MacBook Air decides it's going to go keyboard up. One day before I leave for a week-long vacation. I calmly book an appointment with the Genius Bar at the Apple Store in the mall. I'm dodging screaming kids who are waiting in line to sit on Santa's lap, and cringing when I see a row of small children caroling, and generally shooting evil looks at moms who are dressed in matching red sweaters with their kids as I trudge toward the Apple Store when I get a phone call. "Hi there, Megan, it's Integra! We just have a few questions for you before we get your service ready, is now a good time?" I grumble "uh yeah." The too-chirpy woman on the phone goes through all these detailed questions that I don't understand (I mean, if I knew the difference between a static and roaming IP address or whatever I'd probably just be setting it up myself, now, wouldn't I?). Toward the end of the conversation, I veer toward Ann Taylor Loft for some retail therapy as I listen to her chirp on. They're just too..Portland for me. I mean, I know I didn't want a company that's calling from India, but I also didn't want to be fielding calls from my friendly neighborhood Internet guy every day either with another form or question.
On the 4th Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: Schlepping my Sony Vaio on five fliiiii-iiiights!
The next day, I leave for a week-long vacation. Of course, my MacBook Air is sitting at the computer hospital still because apparently it needs a new hard drive. Sure, that makes perfect sense seeing as I've owned the thing for only two months! Which means that I have schlep my heavy Sony Vaio which doesn't fit handily into my usual carry-on like my sleek MacBook, and feels super-clunky in comparison. Add to this fact that I have no less than FIVE flights during this trip--Portland to Minneapolis to Detroit to Atlanta to Minneapolis to Portland. As soon as I land from my first flight in Minneapolis, I check my cell phone and see a message. It's the Mac store, telling me chirpily that my Mac is ready for me back in Portland. Oy!
On the 3rd Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: A Sony that won't turn ooooon!
My Sony has an evil sense of humor and sometimes waits until it knows I'm going to crack before it decides to act. On the first day of my trip, I tried to do some work I desperately needed to finish that morning (since I'd missed a day of work dealing with my computer woes) only to realize it wasn't going to turn on. After sobbing not-so-silently right then and there (you see, the Sony really is a smart one, it knew my breaking point for prime tears right on the spot!), I closed the computer and decided to cease and desist from any and all computers for a few days. Of course, once I was calm the Sony turned on just like a charm. Bastard.
On the 2nd Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: The Qwest guy scaring me half to deaaaath.
In order to get my new Internet hooked up, the phone company first had to come out and do something to my outside phone wiring. But I didn't realize this. The morning after I return from vacation, my boyfriend Eric has just left the house for work when the doorbell rings. I'm still in my bathrobe if you must know so I'm not about to answer the door. Usually it's the mailman or UPS guy who will ring to let me know he's leaving a package. But the ringing keeps persisting. I can hear someone standing on the front porch. Then I realize--it's a burglar! He's seen Eric leave and is ringing to check if anyone else is home before picking the lock and entering. [Before you think I'm completely paranoid, this scenario actually did happen to us last year, which--talk about coming full circle--actually resulted in my year of computer woes because they stole my beloved computer which forced me to buy my Sony, but I totally digress!] So picture this scene: I'm downstairs, steps away from the door, in my bathrobe, frozen in position and thinking a gun-wielding burglar is about to break in (hello, worst fear!). I tiptoe to the door and quietly lock the bolt in place, thinking that if he does pick the lock at least it might take longer. Then I tiptoe back to the alarm system and turn it on so at least that might scare him away. And then I make a break for it upstairs where I peek out the window from my office to see...a Qwest truck. I sheepishly get dressed, go outside and talk to the Qwest guy, who had just rung the bell out of courtesy to let me know he's working in my side yard. Oops.
On the 1st Day of Christmas, My Misadventures Gave to Me: A faulty Internet system once agaaaaain.
The next day the Integra guy comes over, and two hours later he declares that he can't get the modem to work. A few more phone calls later from Integra, another Qwest visit, and I'm waiting for The Next Step. Will 2009 be my year free of computer problems? We shall see. In the meantime, I'm once again happily typing on my MacBook Air while using Kiki's Internet and fielding two calls a day from Integra who are keeping me informed of every step in this never-ending process. Stay tuned.
