misadventures at the marathon

When people hear that I run marathons, they think I'm speedy. Or that I take my running seriously. Or that I'm competitive. Nothing can be further from the truth. While I have toed the line at 14 marathons, I view each one as an experiment, because you never know what's going to happen. Learn from my missteps so you’ll be prepared come Marathon Sunday in Portland.

DO squeeze in your long runs. True story: While riding on the shuttle bus to the start line of the Austin marathon in 2005, I realized something startling: I hadn’t actually run more than, oh, 10 miles for years. I had actually trained hard, doing lots of speedwork and hills, but between illness and travel, my long runs got swept aside. “Well, this should be interesting!” I laughed to myself as the bus kept on rolling for what seemed like forever. Thanks to my speed training, I managed to hold on for 13 miles before my pace slowed from 7:30-minute miles to well over 11-minute miles toward the finish line.
Lesson learned: muscle memory only gets you so far. Do the long runs.

DON'T let lack of shoes fluster you. When unpacking for the 2001 Gorge half-marathon in Hood River (I know, it’s only a half, but go with it), I noticed something conspicuously missing: my shoes. Not to be rattled, I waltzed into the nearest Wal-Mart, plunked down a cool fifteen dollars, and—as my friends made bets on whether the shoes would last the distance—I managed to run my best time in a half-marathon yet. Or at least I think it’s my best time, I always forget to stop my watch at the finish line.
Lesson learned: never let them see you sweat.

DO test your shiny new gear before the race. At Grandma’s marathon in Duluth, Minnesota this summer, I was excited to try the new Nike Plus system, where a shoe sensor transmits fun things to your watch like your pace, distance, and calories burned. Once the marathon started, I pushed a button and set off on my merry way. And pushed a button again. Wait, was I supposed to push it for three seconds now or just one second, and which button again? And if it's flashing, is that a good thing or does that mean I have to keep pushing? I spent the first mile trying to figure it out.
Lesson learned: read the fine print before your run.

DON'T be afraid to hug the trees. During the Avenue of the Giants marathon in '07, what I like to call my Unlucky 13th, I was hurting big-time by mile 15 and realized I would have to walk/run from there on out. Just when I was starting to feel sorry for myself, I turned my attention instead to my surroundings. That’s when the Redwood trees lining the race course became my silent supporters. They served as a sturdy calf-stretching post, they shaded my route, and their branches waved me on (hey, cut me some slack, I was feeling delirious by then). For this city girl who prefers screaming crowds—and cowbell, lots of cowbell—there was something peaceful about those trees watching me limping along.
Lesson learned: take comfort wherever you can get it.

DO remember to dance when you hear music (I prefer moonwalking myself), high-five the supporters, choke up with tears, joke with your fellow runners, and thank the volunteers.
Lesson learned: having fun during a marathon is a sign of success.